God's Princess ( 2 Dec 2007 )

My dear girl, here are the photos you want. Meh Meh and my Bible will be going with me to Korea, find the photos of Meh Meh reading the Bible =P

Simplicity + Sensitivity = Making Someone's Day

There is a psychiatrist and a social worker. They are very good friends and jogging buddies. They would always go for a jog together. Then there came a time when the social worker was diagnosed with cancer and he had to go through chemotherapy as a form of treatment for the cancer.

During the period, the social worker continues his jogging routine at the same time and the same place. But his psychiatrist friend is no longer found jogging with him. Days passed and months flew, and the social worker did not hear anything from this psychiatrist friend of his. He began to think to himself, 'The psychiatry and social work professional fields are relatively small. Surely he knows or has heard about my physical health condition. Why is it that I have not heard from him?"

After a year of chemotherapy, the social worker recovered from his cancerous condition. And one day, he decided to change his jogging routine. There is a park nearby his workplace and he has decided to try out the new jogging environment.To his surprise, he found his psychiatrist friend jogging in the park. He caught up with his psychiatrist friend and said, "It's been a long time since the last time I hear from you or saw you."After a moment of silence, the psychiatrist friend answered with some awkwardness on his face, "I've heard about your condition…but I didn't know what to do or what to say…"The social worker replied, " I was very hurt. All I wanted was simply to know that you care…"

When this story was told to me by a medical social worker in a hospital, it struck a chord in my heart, and I began to think and reflect on how easy it is for us to be so 'professional' or 'perfect' in our interactions and relationships with people. There is a certain way of doing things and a certain way of saying things, which have been dished out to us and which we sometime buy without thinking much about it.

Prior to this interaction with this medical social worker, I was reading a book titled 'Tuesdays with Morrie' and it was talking about issues on life, death and dying. In it is a statement which leaves an impact in my heart. It says: 'Death ends a life, but death does not end a relationship.'

Most of us are still young in our life stage and may not have people around who are dying. And some of us, even though still young in our life stage, have to deal with a loss or death of a parent, a loved one, or a friend.

Whichever category we may be in, and as much as we want to be diplomatic, respectful, and careful to give the people around us as much personal space as they need (or we think they need), it is worth taking the risk to tell them that we care.

Nothing fanciful. A simple phone call, a simple 'hello', a simple smile, a simple note, a kind word, a simple time spent together and a listening ear. That is all it takes to be God's love wrapped in skin. And that is all it takes to create and leave lasting memories in both our hearts and the hearts of those we love. Perhaps the worth of any lifetime is measured more in kindness than in competency.

To Hester - Thank you for starting the prayer chain, being there at the hospital during my mum's second last day on earth, for helping with the collection and counting of the money during the first night of my mum's wake, for buying lunch during the third day of the wake after you and Adrian have attended church service, and of course your concern shown through your SMSes.

To Melvin, thank you for your sensitivity and thoughtfulness. Thank you for everything.

To Joseph and Sharon - Thank you for being there every night during the wake, helping with the love offering (counting the money and balancing the account is no joke), driving me to deposit the money and subsequently driving me home even though both of you were very tired. And of course, Sharon, thank you for praying with me and allowing me to cry when it was just the two of us at the funeral parlour.

To Doris - Thank you for being beside me during the funeral services, helping to buy dinner on the last night of the wake, your car ministry (Remember the 'camp to heaven' thingy? ), our lunches & dinner together and sharing about your spiritual sight of my mum standing strong beside Jesus.

To P. Dom and Sis. Chin Inn - Thank you for being there during the first night of the wake and for speaking with my Dad. I'll always remember the conversation we have had about Chinese Ministry, Chinese worship and reaching out to the chinese-speaking of my generation. Hee...

To SR407 and YS345 (They are my carecells. How come i got two when i only attend one on Friday evenings? Eh, long story. The main point is that i've been blessed with two sets of spiritual families!) - Thank you for being there at the wake, your concern, your support, your SMSes and for serving during the two night of the wake (Ethel and Val). Especially Ethel, every night need to take cab home from Sin Ming, very 'siong' for her pocket and tiring too.

To Shuhui and Jacqueline - Thank you for taking time-off from your work to meet me at the esplanade. I believe both of you have had a good time eating at the Ichiban Sushi too.

To Angie - Thank you for being there during the first night of the wake, sharing your Teachers' Day gifts and calling me out for dinner and movie right after the funeral has ended.

To Peace, Jennifer, Dawn, Felicia, Shuhui, Jenna and Angeline (My beloved Colleagues) - Thank you for your understanding, for the space given during those moments of grieving and crying, for the box of chocolates, for the packet of caramel sweets, and for covering my work while i was away on compassionate leave. Peace, thank you for believing in me and encouraging me. Thank you for the card you have made. I will remember what you have said to me. Though our time together in Students Care Service have been a relatively short one, you have been a good mentor in my life.

To Candice, Kaiqi, Mee Hing, Susan and her husband (My beloved Colleagues also) - Thank you for being there at the wake, your condolences and your concern.

To Terence, Mei Juan, Lijuan, Soon Onn, Zixia, Daniel and Angel (My beloved supervisor/mentor, colleagues and friends during my placement at Agape Counselling & Training Centre) - Thank you for your concern, your support, your visitations when my mum was still around at home, your condolences, your email and SMSes. Thank you for believing in me. Terence, I rejoice together with you and Huiling at the birth of your baby girl Faith!

To May Yi, Sandi and Jeslyn - Thank you for coming down on the first night of the wake, for being there and our dinners together.


To Vincent, Michelle, Terence, Shufen, Victor, Shuyi, Adrian, Callin, Joanna, Limin and Coco (My fellow Adult Leaders from the youth ministry) - Thank you for attending the wake services, your concern and your prayers.


To Eileen, Coco and Zhihao - Thank you for the cards you have sent. They are in my office cubicle now. Can you see them in the photos?


To Zhichao - Thank you for your condolence and for the chocolate biscuits that were given to me just before the Young Adult Service on Saturday. Sorry, no photos for the chocolate biscuits. They were already in my stomach when i thought of taking photos of them.


To Shuyi (My Former Colleague @ TRANS Centre) - Appreciate your phone call and your concern.

To end, I would like to leave you with a quote from the book 'The Little Prince' as a food for thought:'It's when one sees with the heart that one can see rightly. The important is often invisible to the eyes…'

妈妈，你在天堂过得还好吗？

光阴似箭，岁月如梭。时间真地过得好快哦，妈妈离开我已经一个月了。刚开始的时候真地好不习惯哦，自己还跟自己说妈妈旅行去了。可是不用多久，这个谎言就不攻自破了。后来，还因为妈妈家里的钥匙和妈妈一起火化了，自己希望妈妈还会回来。因为妈妈有家里的钥匙啊，所以她随时都可以回来啊，我这样对我自己说。

第一次放工回家，没有妈妈在家和我共进晚餐。
第一次穿新衣出门的时候，没有妈妈在身旁给点意见或评语。
第一次生病的时候，没有妈妈在身边碎碎念。

现在的我，已经开始能够接受妈妈再也不会回来的事实。慢慢地开始习惯。。。有时还会气她留下我一个人（听到一首广东歌的这一段歌词‘无论谁先死，剩低的比去的伤悲。会不禁憎你，让我靠自己’还哭地稀里哗啦的），还会用手机发简讯/sms给她。

记得小时候，收音机经常会播放一首儿歌。这首儿歌的歌词是这样写的：
世上只有妈妈好
有妈的孩子象个宝
投进妈妈的怀抱
幸福享不了

小时候每次听到这首歌时，我都会抱着妈妈，让后跟她说我爱她（尤其是我做错事，让她生气的时候）。

我感谢主耶稣赐给我一位好妈妈。对我来说，她是世界上最好的妈妈。她会永远的活在我心里。她在我心里的位置，是别人无法取代的。

我每天上班之前，都会对她说‘妈妈byebye, 我去作工了，傍晚回来见’。当她躺在医院的病床上，奄奄一息的时候，我对她说‘妈妈byebye, 我们在天堂见’。

学习不做一个胆小鬼

‘Vivien, don’t be too hard on yourself..’ I remembered a friend saying this to me 4 years ago. I didn’t ponder much about this statement which this friend made until recently.

I guess with life experiences over the years, especially with my role as the main caregiver to my mother, I have developed a belief system which I discover might not be helpful sometimes.

A belief system which tells me that I need to be strong for others;

A belief system which tells me that as a mature adult we have roles and responsibilities which we need to fulfill irregardless of how we feel inside;

I realized that while I have no qualms about letting the tears flow in public such as buses, MRT or parks where I am surrounded by strangers, tears don’t usually come forth easily when I am surrounded by people whom I know. Interestingly, a colleague of mine also made this observation and highlighted it to me today.

This reflection and conversation has come about from my recent feelings about covering other’s backside and my mother’s recent hospitalization. It seems that putting a strong front has become my coping in times of sadness and pain.

Even as I was reflecting, I realize that it takes a lot out of the person to talk about pain or their pain experiences as pain is not something that we are comfortable with. Perhaps we are afraid of the possible impact on others or their possible reaction when they see our tears and vulnerability.

God seems to be teaching me during this difficult period……

To be comfortable with being vulnerable in front of others;

To be comfortable with my tears when I am with people I know as I get in touch with the sadness and pain inside;

To be comfortable with not being strong all the time, to admit that I cannot take it anymore and to feel ok about it;

It is only when I become comfortable with my own vulnerability, sadness, pain and tears, will I truly be comfortable with the vulnerability, sadness and pain of others when it surfaces and truly be there for them.

Just like what God has said about loving our neighbors as ourselves, as we learn to love ourselves by attending to our feelings, especially feelings we are generally uncomfortable with such as sadness and pain, we will learn to love others in their sadness and pain instead of minimizing what they are going through and the pain they experience.

爱上跑步和公园里的秋千

哇。。。已经有一段时间没在网上日记里留言了。。最近比较忙，忙到连小学生写给我的信件，我都没法在预定的时间里回复。一个星期内都需要到几间中小学去。要加油哦！

三个星期前，我开始天天早上5点起床，刷牙洗脸，穿上运动鞋，跑步去了。每次都会不间断的跑上45分钟。虽然流了一身的汗，可是都会觉得很精神，很开心，很健康。=)

有时早上睡不醒的时候，我就会改成在傍晚8点的时候跑步。Hehe…=P

我发现我爱上了跑步时的感觉，还有跑步是可能碰到的际遇。跑步的时候，看到路上也有一些志同道合的人在跑步，是一种鼓励；跑步跑到一半，突然有个小女孩怦怦跳跳地跑出来抱住你，是一种又有趣又好笑的惊喜。Haha…

还有跑步时经过的小公园里，有我喜欢的秋千。有一次还碰上了两位小朋友，跟他们一起当起秋千来，感觉就好像自己回到了快乐的童年。就好像Shuhui在她送给我的纸飞机上这样写着- ‘Little Vivien stopped work one day, out on a walk and off to play. She saw the flats that brought her back to her childhood when nothing was sad.’ 那时候，我和Shuhui在工作的附近散步，看着一座座的组屋，让我回想起小时候总会对每一个家里的人与设计感到好奇。

When I read the dedication segment in the book ‘The Little Prince’, I can’t help but laugh at its brilliance. It says:

TO LEON WERTH

I ask children to forgive me for dedicating this book to a grown-up. I have a serious excuse: this grown-up is the best friend I have in the world. I have another excuse: this grown-up can understand everything, even books for children. I have a third excuse: he lives in France where he is hungry and cold. He needs to be comforted. If all these excuses are not enough, then I want to dedicate this book to the child whom this grown-up once was. All grown-ups were children first. (But few of them remember it.) So I correct my dedication:

TO LEON WERTH
WHEN HE WAS A LITTLE BOY

妈妈的生日

6月24日，星期日，是妈妈的生日。我送了她一束花（花好漂亮吧？！），我和父亲也‘打包’了妈妈喜欢吃的面（Heng Hwa Mee Sua），全家人一起共经晚餐。

因为妈妈的病情在一年前恶化，所以除了每个月一次到医院复诊以外，或则偶尔下楼理发和按摩脚底之外，其余的时间都呆在家里休息。

已经很久没和妈妈一起逛街了，非常想念和妈妈逛街的日子。妈妈的品味和打扮非常地时髦，有时还会取笑我是‘老古董’。

有时我会想，对于现在的生活方式，她适应了多少。好在教会的牧师和教会的会友，偶尔会上我们家探望她，鼓励她，与她分享圣经的话语，与她祷告。让她不会觉得寂寞与孤单。

还有主耶稣安排的‘天使’，惠珊（Huishan），在妈妈生日的前几天，她还买了一些糕点和写了一张鼓励的字条给我的母亲。虽然她并不晓得我母亲的生日，不过她的探望和举动，都让人觉得很贴心。惠珊，你的名字和你的人，都和你的心一样美丽。You truly make her day.

An Afternoon with Charrisa (19 June 2007)

My 'daughter', I count it a privilege to be able to witness how you have grown and changed over the years from when you were in Primary 6 to when you came into the youth ministry to now.

Although I was rather sad when you left church last year, I feel comforted and relieved to see that you've adjusted well to your new church - Evangel Family Church, which is at Yishun.

I take comfort in that you've found peers with whom you could connect and a female assistant cell-group leader (Mae) with whom you feel close to.

I guess the process of finding a church for yourself has caused you to mature in your thinking, your character and your walk with God.

The maturity is expressed out in your choice of friends, your goal-orientedness, your ability to reflect and make changes, your ability to deal with disappointments, your ability to comfort and encourage others.

I am proud of you. When I think of you, I'm reminded of a Bible verse which I would like to leave you with:

'Don't let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity.' - 1 Timothy 4:12 (NLT)

Jia you, as you continue in this journey of becoming all that you can be in God! =)

Unforgettable

I am back from the night trek! It has been a ‘Wow!’ experience!

The youths were divided into 3 groups, namely Pirates of the Griffin, Pirates of the Phoenix and Pirates of the Unicorn (my group). Their mission was to complete their map that will help them sail to “World’s End”.

The walk started from Friday 10pm to Saturday 8am. We began at the West Coast Park (where the 3 groups were to find their gold coins at the ‘Ghost Ship’), and from there proceeded on to Kent Ridge Park (where the youths did their solo walk on the bridge), Labrador Park (where the youths went on a scavenger hunt) and Vivo City (where the debriefing and processing of their experiences were done in the 3 groups).

The “World’s End” was actually Mount Faber. However, as there was lightning when we were about to set off from the Labrador Park, we decided to change our final destination to Vivo City instead, for safety reason.

The purpose of the night trek and its activities is to allow the youths to learn about choice-making. With every choice or decision you make, it comes with a price that you need to pay. If you want to make a better choice, you need to pay a bigger price and make more sacrifices (For example, delayed gratification). What kind of choices would they decide to make in their lives?

They could choose to exchange 2 gold coins for 1 piece of the map, or 5 gold coins for 7 pieces of the map. They could also choose to use the gold coins to exchange for snacks along the way (Hee….I was contemplating to use real coins to exchange for Kit Kat chocolate bars, but of course I was unsuccessful lah, because my beloved colleagues said ‘No!’).

This night trek is an unforgettable and memorable one for me personally. Other than this being my very first time in bringing a group of youths on a night trek expedition, here is also where:

I witnessed an incident where a youth became demon-possessed during the solo walk at Kent Ridge Park but was ultimately delivered;

I learnt that the phrase ‘Wear Shirt’ is a youth lingo which means joining a gang;

I witnessed puppy love blossoming among the youths within such a short time and

I realized that I seemed to have the ‘谈心事’anointing, as the different youths whom I walked with at different places will start sharing with me their ‘心事’ or secrets (A and B like C, but C like only B, A and B become angry with each other, B and C get together, D become very worried for A and at a lost of what to do when A cried over the phone…..their puppy love story is so complicated).

I was also privileged enough to hear a volunteer’s life story as he shared it with the youths in my group. He used to be involved in gang and drugs. He has been beaten up by his gang members before when he decided to leave the gang, and he also realized that these so-called ‘brothers’ never once visited him and were never there for him when he was in trouble. But he is a changed person now, studying in a tertiary institution and having a bright future ahead of him.

I will never forget the words which he said, “That time I find it very irritating, that the social worker who will not know what you are thinking and why you do the things you do, just barged into your life like that and nag nag nag. But when my family gave up on me and my school gave up on me, my social worker she never gave up on me. She fought very hard for me to have a place in school so that I could take my exam. That touched me at that point and I decided to go back to school to take my ‘O’ level exam." His words impacted me.

爱的代价

我在祷告的时候有跟主说过，也和几位朋友分享过，“I am a simple person. I just want to be God’s love wrapped in skin. All I want is to see the people in my life, especially those who are dear to my heart, become all that they can be in God. And I want to be a part in supporting them in this journey”。牧师在为我祷告的时候，也是这样说的，“that I will carry God’s love to the people around me and I will shine into their lives”。

听起来这是一件很容易很简单的事，可是要真正的活出来却不是一件容易的事。

当你关心的人，决定放弃自己。。。
当你关心的人，决定放弃尝试。。。
当你关心的人，否定你所为他做的一切。。。
又或者，
曾经是你生活的一部分，与你很亲的人
因为某些原因，离开了或者你失去了。。。
那种无奈，无助，伤痛，你又如何去处理呢？

是决定要把自己封闭起来，每天就好像机器人般的，没有感情地做自己分内的事就够了？还是要勇敢地去爱，去关心呢？人在遇到挫折或伤痛的时候，往往都会选择最容易的解决方式 – 逃避，放弃，结束关系。

哥 林 多 前 书 （1 Corinthians）12：31， 13：1-8，13
“你 们 要 切 切 地 求 那 更 大 的 恩 赐 ， 我 现 今 把 最 妙 的 道 指 示 你 们 。我 若 能 说 万 人 的 方 言 ， 并 天 使 的 话 语 却 没 有 爱 ， 我 就 成 了 鸣 的 锣 ， 响 的 钹 一 般 。我 若 有 先 知 讲 道 之 能 ， 也 明 白 各 样 的 奥 秘 ， 各 样 的 知 识 。 而 且 有 全 备 的 信 ， 叫 我 能 够 移 山 ， 却 没 有 爱 ， 我 就 算 不 得 什 么 。我 若 将 所 有 的 周 济 穷 人 ， 又 舍 己 身 叫 人 焚 烧 ， 却 没 有 爱 ， 仍 然 与 我 无 益 。爱 是 恒 久 忍 耐 ， 又 有 恩 慈 。 爱 是 不 嫉 妒 。 爱 是 不 自 夸 。 不 张 狂 。不 作 害 羞 的 事 。 不 求 自 己 的 益 处 。 不 轻 易 发 怒 。 不 计 算 人 的 恶 。不 喜 欢 不 义 。 只 喜 欢 真 理 。凡 事 包 容 。 凡 事 相 信 。 凡 事 盼 望 。 凡 事 忍 耐 。爱 是 永 不 止 息 。。。如 今 常 存 的 有 信 ， 有 望 ， 有 爱 ， 这 三 样 ， 其 中 最 大 的 是 爱 。”

如果失去了爱人和关心人的能力， 生活就过得没有意义了。我相信有主耶稣这位医生，有时间作为良药，我们还是可以每天选择做一个勇敢去爱的人。

找到了！

太高兴了，我终于找到我要的那首歌了。这是我在教会敬拜的时候唱的一首歌，歌名叫‘Come Holy Spirit’。我还发现原来这首歌是‘City Harvest Church’创作的，还有华文版本呢。我本身非常认同这首歌的歌词，这首歌的心声。这首歌是这样唱的：

Come Holy Spirit, fall on me now
I need Your anointing, come in Your power
I love You Holy Spirit
You're captivating my soul
And everyday I grow to love You more

Chorus:
I'm reaching for Your heart
You hold my life in Your hand
Drawing me closer to You
I feel Your power renew
Nothing compares to this place
Where I can see You face to face
I worship You
In spirit and in truth

Come Holy Spirit (华文版)

圣灵请你来充满我心
我需要你恩高充满我灵
圣灵啊我好爱你
我的灵让你牵引
而每一天我要更深爱你

我要追求你主
我将生命献给你
牵引我更亲近你
你大能更新我灵
无人能与你相比
主我仰望你的荣面
我敬拜你
在灵与真理里

我生活中的暖炉

我觉得我是个幸福的人，因为我生活中有暖炉。这些‘暖炉’让我的心觉得很温暖。

我的‘暖炉’指的就是这些人：

1. Huishan/Hester: 她千里迢迢从应征工作的地方来到我的工作地点，跟我共进午餐。还发了一个鼓励我的简讯给我。在简讯里她是这么写的：‘Hey I'm really happy to see the changes and growth in you. As a result, you have become more beautiful, just like a diamond. One day, someone will see the diamond in you. Also remember that you have me as your good friend.'


2. Shuhui: 她在繁忙的工作中，还会买一束胡姬花送给我，让我在工作中多了一份惊喜。


3. Felicia: 她教会了我如何照顾和保护我的脚，让我疲惫的双脚能够‘起死回生’。哈哈哈哈


4. Melvin: 他亲切的笑容，他给予我的关心和体贴，都让我觉得温暖。他的幽默有时候也会让我哈哈大笑。

谢谢您，我生活中的‘暖炉’！我也希望我能够成为我身边的人的‘暖炉’。

我的同事（Jenna and Jacqueline)，还有我，都很喜欢这首歌。因为我们都觉得这首歌的歌词很有意义，所以想和你们分享这首歌。

爱得太迟
歌手：古巨基 作曲：楊鎮邦@宇宙大爆炸
填詞：林夕 編曲：雷頌德

我過去　那死黨　早晚共對
各也紮職以後　沒法暢聚
而終於相約到　但無言共對　疏淡如水

日夜做　見爸爸　剛好想呻
卻霎眼　 看出他　多了皺紋
而他的蒼老感　是從來未覺　太內疚擔心

最心痛是　愛是太遲
有些心意　不可等某個日子
盲目地發奮　忙忙忙其實自私
夢中也習慣　有壓力要我得志

最可怕是　愛需要及時
只差一秒　心聲都已變歷史
忙極亦放肆　見我愛見的相知
要抱要吻要怎麼也好 偏要推說等下一次

我也覺　我體質　彷似下降
看了症得到是　別要太忙
而影碟　都掃光　但從來未看　因有事趕

日夜做　儲的錢　都應該夠
到聖誕　正好講　跟我白頭
誰知她開了口　未能挨下去　已恨我很久

錯失太易　愛得太遲
我怎想到　她忍不到那日子
盲目地發奮　忙忙忙從來未知
幸福會掠過　再也沒法說鍾意

愛一個字　也需要及時
只差一秒　心聲都已變歷史
為何未放肆　見我愛見的相知
要抱要吻要怎麼也好 不要相信一切有下次

相擁我所愛又花幾多秒　
這幾秒能夠做到又有多少
未算少　足夠遺憾忘掉

多少抱憾　多少過路人
太懂估計　卻不懂愛錫自身
人人在發奮　想起他朝都興奮
但今晚未過　你要過也很吸引

縱不信運　你不過是人
理想很遠　愛於咫尺卻在等
來日別操心　趁你有能力開心
世界有太多東西發生
不要等到天上俯瞰

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ahn_2YjVwU&mode=related&search=

‘大长今’这部戏，我看了四遍。除了大长今的用功，努力，坚持和经历所给予我的鼓励以外，我也了解到其实做饮食的道理与做人的道理是一样的。就像做饮食的人会站在吃的人的立场，会考虑到吃的人的健康和喜好，目的是要奉献有利于健康的食物，让进食的人心情愉快一样。一个人也可以站在对方的立场，目的就是要让周围的人感受到关心，温馨，开心与幸福。

就因为这个道理，我是一个多么好的厨师，能煮多么好吃的菜，我是一个多么好的人，能为周围的人做多少事，就变得不重要了。重要的是，不论是煮饭做菜还是人与人之间的相处，我身边的人都能够感受到我对他们的关心，他们的心都会感到温馨，开心和幸福。